Conversion just left me heathen

Ello all you humans out there. Why do I say humans you ask? Well you’re a denominationally diverse lot, and I’d hate to offend anyone by leaving them out of my directed salutations. It’s safe to call you all humans, even you’re born again whatever-you-call-ems, bless.

Religion can be a touchy subject. Some people can be so rigorous in the upholding of their beliefs and not really know what beliefs they have. They just think it’s important that they stand up for it.

I have this friend back in England, Marcella, and she became born again, and every time we talk about it she’s always so defensive. She says I don’t understand that she’s changed, that she’s gone through something important. I told her it was just menopause, (she’s getting to that age) and that she should see a doctor. That didn’t go down well, and for a while, every time I talked to her she tried to make me repent before the Rapture comes. I told her the rapture sounded quite pleasant. Marcella told me that it would be all too pleasant until it came time to have the number of the devil tattooed to my forehead and have some one cut my head off so I could return to baby Jesus. Aw, Baby Jesus.  Anyway I digress, Marcella was committed a few months ago and I’m hoping whoever organizes the Rapture doesn’t leave Marcella behind for being a total nutcase. Poor dear.

It turns out you don’t have to be religious to be born again or a zealot for that matter.

I never really got religion – too many variables that make me wonder if I adhere to it all, will I still be me? I’d like to believe in something, but as my fellow Brit, Nerina Pallot, sings, “I saw the light, I saw the light, but hey it never saw me. Conversion has just left me heathen.”

I’ve realized, you don’t have to be a member of a Jewish movement that fought against Roman rule in Palestine to be a zealot. You can be an anal-retentive music snob looking down your nose at people because you’ve discovered an obscure but possibly cult band or artist. You can have a specialized diet and refuse to eat anything from a living being and self-righteously accuse your partner of not caring for baby piglets. You could be a Savage-Mormon who threatens to beat in the heads of atheists outside of your favorite local supermarket, but face it, you’re still a zealot.

Anyway, until respect for others beliefs becomes a global religion, or the rapture arrives (oooohhhh waaaaaaahhhhhh), laters all and lav ya bum.