Dave Iba’s Top 8 Things a recruiter bro will say to get you to sell security systems this summer

8. Hey Bro, did you serve a mission? How would you like to get money for it this time? A lot of money… More than you can buy salvation for? (awkward laugh)

7. Bro, you look like a slick guy who would fit great into our team. What are you doing this summer?

6. Do you want to make one thousand dollars… every second? One thousand… Two thousand… Three thousand… You could be a three thousandaire right now.

5. Hey do you want a free month pass to the Throwdown? Excuse me… I mean the Bro-down.

4. Bro, how would you like to have your pictures on billboards all over Provo? Mine is, and it gets me so many babes.

3. Bullet bikes, fast cars, puka shells, platinum blondes, popped collars. These could all be yours if you sign on the dotted line.

2. See these pit stains on my polo? That’s from hard work bro.

1. Hey bro, if you sign up now, we will frost your tips for free.

Nearly everyone has been bombarded by these “bros” (Yes, they call themselves that). They might approach you at work and pretend they want to buy something, but don’t be fooled. These bros will hunt you down, like a thief in the night. They always manage to find me at Wal-mart while checking out.

Here are some helpful tips on how you can spot them out. They like the word “bro” way too much, calling you “bro” multiple times. They may force the “bro” phrase into other words, such as “let’s drink some bro-skis” in place of brewski. “Get with the bro-gram,” might be yelled if someone isn’t performing up to par. The nickname for their oversized truck with huge wheels is likely “the bro-dozer”. You may think you’re safe while in class, but believe me, they are there. The following are actual “bro” phrases I’ve heard in class. “With global warming, isn’t everyone worried about the Bro-zone layer?” As well as, “So this summer I went the Bro-muda triangle”, “I think Bro v. Wade is something we need to all read up on” and, “Bro-seidon is the god of the ocean”.

This is a major warning for everyone, because these “bros” are pretty slick. You might be able to spot them by looking for their “bro-dozer,” popped-collar polo shirts and frosted tips. They’re out to get you and want you to sell for them this summer. If you feel like having a normal summer, be on the lookout for the “bros.” Avoid them at all costs, unless of course that steak dinner is too good to turn down.