Adventures in guilty pleasures

Ever wonder what happened to Geena Davis? I’ll tell you what happened: Her career died because she’s terrible. You don’t believe me? Oh, that’s right, you’re thinking Thelma and Louise. Well, let me set the record straight. I give you Exhibit A: Cutthroat Island.

This Razzie-nominated 1995 swashbuckler showcases with unyielding transparency Davis’ absolute lack of acting ability. It’s also possible she just wasn’t even trying. I don’t know. What I do know is that this film deserved to win that Razzie. Between it’s readymade plot, ludicrous action scenes, inconsistent accents, jejune dialogue, over-the-top explosions and misguided girl-power message, Cutthroat Island became the sort of forgettable pirate movie that was laid quietly to rest in an ignominious grave of low public opinion. It also became one of my childhood favorites.

And I still love it for all the reasons that we all loved Pirates of the Carribean and for the fact that Cutthroat Island did it all about a decade earlier than the multi-gajillion dollar Disney franchise. Sure, there’s no Johnny Depp, and the script is lacking (to say the least), but this awful, awful movie is still really fun to watch and so preposterous that it’s good for a few laughs at the director’s, cast’s, writers’ and studio’s expense.

I won’t go into Exhibit B: “Stuart Little” next week; my amusement at failure has its bounds.