I don’t have a valentine, but my top choices would be…
For those of you who have yet to line up a lover for Valentine’s Day, do not be dismayed. There are plenty of options available, an abundance of fish in a proverbial sea. No, obviously not in the real world — your every Valentine’s Day spent alone has proven that much — but there is plenty to dream about among the ranks of the famous and/or deceased. The hard part, now, is deciding which unattainable person you long for.
sketch and illustration by Bill McCrery/ UVU Review
Here are some candidates that you may not have even contemplated.
If you’re interested in women:
Megan Fox
If you are looking for a girl that you would not feel comfortable taking home to mom but would love to be near for just one night, Megan Fox is the babe for you. This 23-year-old heartthrob was ranked by “FHM” readers as the “Sexiest Woman in the World” in 2008.
Mother Teresa
This saintly woman should be on everyone’s list. Her kind soul and remarkable efforts to serve others make her the perfect valentine candidate for any single men out there inclined to carry her in their heart. She will love you no matter your physical, mental or emotional deformities. An instant ego boost any single person could all use around this time of year.
The cast of “Jersey Shore”
Angelina, Jenni, Nicole or Sammy would, without a doubt, spice up your Valentine’s Day. Word of warning, though: Make sure you like your women with attitude and drama, because attitude and drama tag along with these babes wherever they go.
Lady Gaga
“I want you ugly, I want you disease, I want your everything as long as it’s free” are some of the lyrics to Lady Gaga’s newest hit “Bad Romance.” Obviously, Lady Gaga is just waiting for someone, anyone to ask her to be her valentine. She doesn’t care who you are or what you’ve got so “long as it’s free.”
Venus & Serena Williams
This fiery combination of sisters will not only kick your butt on the tennis court but in the gym as well. This is the most unlikely Valentine’s two-for-one date. No package deal coupons apply. But we can dream right? It is well known the Williams sisters are fiercely competitive with each other. They have faced each other across the net 15 times as professionals and recorded some of the most epic head-to-head battles in tennis history. “Who’s that guy beating Serena up and down the court? Oh wait that’s Venus.” Good luck keeping up with them.
If you’re interested in men:
Shakespeare
You can console your lonesome self in the bosom of his poetry. His unparalleled way with words will entertain and inspire you all night long.
Ryan Gosling
Mormon raised former “Mickey Mouse Club” co-star who stood alongside Britney Spears, Christina Aguiluera, Justin Timberlake, J.C. Chasez and Keri Russell, Gosling is more than just talented. He is also sexy enough to bring any woman to her knees. Imagine Gosling as the brooding, tortured artist type from his 2005 role in “Stay,” as one who knows how to care, and most importantly, needs caring for. Don’t believe? Just ask Rachel McAdams.
Mahatma Gandhi
Enlighten yourself this Valentine’s Day by spending it with Gandhi. This valentine is especially good for those of who are non-violent, peaceful folk. He may be just what your heart is craving.
Paul McCartney
One of the most influential singer/songwriters of all time, McCartney is a classy artistic bloke that will sing to you all night long with his elegant songbird voice. Whether you like good music or creative individualism, Paul is a great valentine choice.
Albert Einstein
Whether you have a question on the fluctuation dissipation theorem or just want someone to solve all your brain busters, Einstein is your man. The definition of insanity is pining for the usual heartthrob type and expecting different results. Einstein was a genius who could break down all logical thought processes. Obviously a first-class choice for a valentine.