Unsolicited Dating Advice

The blind date solution

Sometimes I think society assumes that since you’re single, you’re pathetic and desperate. And that, dear readers, is how the blind date got invented.

You know the drill. The moment your parents, roommates, coworkers, religious representatives or distant relatives find out you’re not dating someone, it becomes their personal mission in life to set you up with some socially awkward mouth breather of the opposite gender that has “so much in common with you”… like, um, the fact that they are also single. For many singles, it’s hard to say no to a blind date because they don’t want to offend, appear shallow or eliminate any potential relationship possibilities. Blind dates are, however, rarely successful, and after a few crappy ones, it’s easy to wonder why you ever said yes.

Friends, grieve no longer over the stresses associated with the infamous blind date, for I have a solution.

Never again should you respond to the offer of a blind date with a simple yes or no. It’s time to bust out the conditional phraseology. Start refusing to go on a blind date unless the person offering to set you up is willing to pay for the date. If this tactic makes you feel guilty about taking money from a friend or family member, you can always offer to reimburse them if the date is successful. The point I’m driving at is that they need to have something at stake here.

Think about it. The people who are arranging these all-too-often awkwardly unromantic meetups have nothing to lose. If the date stinks, they haven’t wasted their time, money and attention. They can still be friends with both parties involved. Their life continues uninterrupted, and they are allowed to continue facilitating crappy dates for their lonely friends.

You, on the other hand, end up feeling even more discouraged and lonely as you check your Facebook profile in five minute increments with the hope that some new potential mate has sent you a message or commented on your new status.
This should not be happening. You deserve to be set up with an all-star, and if you ask me, it’s time for our friends to pony up. People start thinking twice about setting you up when they have something riding on the outcome. They don’t want to waste money pairing you with some hygienically challenged ignoramus. If they are willing to fork up the cash for the date, it says that they have thought this through more than once.

Blind dates don’t have to be terrible. Do what you can to make sure they’re not, especially if it means you aren’t paying.