Unsolicited dating advice – Commitment phobia

Are you scared of commitment? Do you have “something-better-might-come-along syndrome”? You desperately want a relationship, but every time you let someone get close enough that you might have to Define The Relationship (DTR), you wig out and run the other way faster than a BYU student at a party that serves alcohol. It’s time to cool your jets, break the streak of empty, self-destructive NCMOs and remember how great it feels to trust and love someone enough to commit.

• How often do we fall out of love because that person we’ve viewed as the perfect match for so long just starts to grate on our nerves? We start to focus on the little quirks in that significant other, which, if not remedied quickly, can turn into the personality defects that make you kill the relationship faster than it started. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to change your focus.
Love is blinding. There’s going to come a time when the twitterpation goggles start to lose their effect. This is the time where you get to make the choice to either count the virtues in your companion or concentrate on the glaring imperfections, which will inevitably result in misery and regret on both parties. When you weigh the good against the bad and choose to focus on the good, it will transform your relationship. I mean, honestly, are you going to give up a handsome guy who loves you for who you are, treats you like a princess and has goals and drive because he picks his nose in the car? Or what about the girl who is kind, caring and assertive who snorts when she laughs? You be the judge of what you can tolerate … but judge carefully.

• Remember, just because you’re dating someone doesn’t mean you have to marry them! One of the plagues of Utah Valley culture is the fear of marriage. Some nut job somewhere along the line decided that once you start dating someone, the lifelong (and sometimes longer) commitment of marriage is inevitable.
Now, on the first date, girls are thinking, “Wait, if he wants to take me out, that means he wants to date me, which means he might want to marry me. I’m too young to have babies! I’m not ready for this kind of commitment!” On the flip side, guys, stop thinking of every girl you ask out as a potential wife. Just go have fun, and stop thinking of every potential girlfriend as the rearer of your unborn children.

• Stop telling people all about your love life. Seriously. Do you really think it does you any good to involve your roommates, your mom, your ex, your best friends from high school, your institute teacher and that dude who sits next to you in English class in your love life? Trust me, it doesn’t. Too many cooks spoil the broth. Before you know it, your relationships don’t involve you and your love interest, but an entire community of people.
When you keep the personal things personal in your life, you will notice that you have more balance. You stop second guessing yourself so much, and you start trusting your feelings. Suddenly, you have control over the giant bag of crazy that used to be your relationship, and when something terrible rolls your way, instead of turning to the peanut gallery for advice, you get to be an adult and work things out together with your mate. Imagine that.

Commitment doesn’t have to be an earth-shaking, panic inducing thing. Focus on seeing the good in each other, having fun and being yourself. Stop worrying so much about the future, and you’ll soon see that it works itself out quite nicely.