Leviticus 2:1

And when any will offer a meat offering unto the LORD, his offering shall be of fine flour; and he shall pour oil upon it, and put frankincense thereon:  

 

–Early biblical recipe for meatloaf  

 

These Things I Believe  

 

The enemy among us, the vegans, have been steadily gaining converts in these latter days. Their lifestyle choice has been forced on us in the media, in the schools, and even in our own restaurants. Those of us with the courage to stand fast in our omnivorous beliefs against the torrent of a wicked, tofu-ridden society are mocked and ridiculed.  

Brethren, I say “No More”! We must rise against this fishless tide if our covenant with the rama of chuck is to endure. We have promised to abide by certain articles of feast, and we will not stray.  Our principles are ordained thus:  

–God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Leaf.  

–We believe that men will be famished for their own chins, and not for Adam’s digestion.  

–Adam fell that men might bean, and men are that they not have soy.

 

Meat, wrapped around by fur and nervous systems we identify as animals, is and always has been the target of man’s dominion.  Always remember, the true omnivore’s dilemma is whether to first feast on the tastiest cute animals, or the cutest tasty animals.  

 

I say these things in the name of cheese and rice, amen.