Summer Blockbusters: Selling your childhood to you

I’m going to be very upfront with you about this. But this summer is gonna kinda suck for movies. We’re looking at basically several movies aimed at an audience younger than 21. But don’t panic – because this means this summer may be a great time to feel like a kid in the theaters. Here’s what’s coming:

MAY 7: “Iron Man 2”
Robert Downey, Jr., Mickey Rourke, Don Cheadle and Scarlett Johansson bring you Saturday morning cartoons nostalgia and comic book dorkdom.

MAY 14: “Robin Hood”
Yes, another Robin Hood movie. But this one has Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett.

MAY 21: “Shrek Forever After”
It’s the last one, they promise. So this is the final chance to see Princess Fiona – but as a warrior woman.

MAY 28: “Prince Of Persia: Sands Of Time”
Jake Gyllenhaal without a shirt: check. Possible failure to successfully adapt a video game: check. Possible redemption by lots of action delivered by the guy who gave us “Pirates”: check.

JUNE 11: “The A-Team”
Another remake, but with Liam Neeson, who is pretty good even at his worse. Plus guns. Lots of guns.

JUNE 11: “The Karate Kid”
Another remake. But might win over your younger siblings and cousins, as it will lack occasionally cringing 80s dialogue.

JUNE 18: “Toy Story 3”
The last one, and the sequel that’s been more than five years in the making. Bring your Woody and Buzz pajamas – I know you’ve still got ‘em.

JUNE 30: “The Twilight Saga: Eclipse”
Bella’s got a choice to make: the Nephite or the Lamanite – er, Edward or Jacob. Meanwhile, crazy girl wants revenge and there’s a vampire army on the rise in Seattle. Life is hard – and you know your girlfriend is thinking about forcing you to do this…again.

JULY 2: “The Last Airbender”
Ahh – that other “Avatar” movie. Yes. Well, since it’s M. Night, this will either turn out well or not well for fanboys. I’m just wondering if we find out that the airbender is actually not an airbender at all, but a normal boy who can breathe hard because he’s the ghost of a boy who’s priest father had unbreakable bones and was a writer who fell in love with a mermaid and had to flee his world because the bees started dying and…twwwisssstttt.

JULY 9: “Despicable Me”
Orphaned girls defeat evil dad. Sounds trite, but I do kinda want to watch this guy try to steal the moon.

JULY 16: “Inception”
Christoper Nolan + Leonardo DiCaprio + Ellen Page = will we understand what the heck this movie’s about when we see it?