The Stoner’s temple and its faithful worshipers

Make spice illegal – the sooner the better

As I walked into a room with Bob Marley flags and hookahs alongside water bongs, three men who look like they were in their mid-twenties rose from a sofa to greet me. The one who stood up to shake my hand looked very much like Jesus; long hair, calming eyes and a peaceful vibe. His name is Bradli Anderson; he’s an employee at Imagine Real Peace Smoke Shop and his girlfriend is the owner.

Last time I came here was about a year ago when something called “Spice” was beginning to pick up popularity. Some said Spice was the greatest invention of all time – and really that’s what it was if you were on parole, didn’t have enough money to buy the real thing or were smoking Spice when you called it that.

I asked Anderson if he has heard about Spice soon becoming illegal.

“Actually that’s only in Provo,” he said with a spiritual smirk. “We are still selling it and as long as we don’t sell near unincorporated areas, we won’t get bothered.”

So I asked him about the apparent police visits where smoke shops were asked to voluntarily stop selling Spice.

“That was only in Salt Lake,” he replied.

I asked him how much money Spice brings to the shop, and his response was surprising.

“Actually we make most of our money from Spice,” he said.

Then he went on to explain how they have known since the beginning (through revelation, of course) that Spice was probably going to be illegal someday so they had used all the revenue from Spice to stock up on their glass paraphernalia and hoped to be able to get by in the future without Spice.

During our conversation, three customers who each bought a package of Spice interrupted us. None of them seemed under 30 years old.

“You should see how many old people buy Spice,” Anderson said. “Gray hair and everything.”

He believes that what his store does is offer a different lifestyle for those that don’t want to live like society tells you to live. Before leaving the store, I bought a package of Spice with Anderson’s blessing. On the front of my little manila envelope is written “NOT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION.”

“Spice is shit,” said William, an ex-roommate who doesn’t want to use his last name, when I asked what he thinks of Spice. I interviewed three people at his apartment and they all seemed to agree.

The woman in the group said that Spice gives her stomach sickness and headaches. The third guy stayed quiet and stared blankly at the wall. They didn’t want to use their names because apparently, they both just got off parole.

I asked if making Spice illegal would affect them. William blurts, “First of all, did you know that Spice can make your brain bleed? Do you know how much shit they put in it?”

It didn’t take long for the conversation to turn to the legalization of marijuana.

“Tell me something,” the woman said very loudly. “How many times have you heard of a man smoking marijuana and going home to beat his wife?”

William added, “And do you know how many benefits marijuana has? Sure, I would smoke Spice… if I was in high school and I wanted to be cool or something.”

From what they told me, most of their friends hate Spice as well. In fact, the more they went on about the evils of Spice, the more stupid I felt about just buying it. They even refused to try my blessed gram of Spice. However, they did offer to pretend to smoke the Spice as they pulled out their water bong lovingly named “Charlie.” They loaded it with something else that looks similar to Spice, but obviously wasn’t.

Maybe it is a good idea to make Spice illegal. What better way to convert cheap Spice smokers into dignified, classy pot smokers?
Down the road, this would boost support for legalizing marijuana and before you know it, Jesus look-a-likes all over the valley won’t have to worry about making ends meet. High school seniors and those nearing mid-life crises won’t be hurting themselves with Spice and those who support Mary Jane will be that much closer to not having to live in fear.