Him vs. Her “Knock it off: Things men need to stop doing

Oh, I don’t even know where to start.

First off, stop putting those specialized mufflers on your car that makes them really loud. It’s not cool. It’s not sexy. It’s annoying. In fact, just stop caring so much about your car in general. Cars get you from point A to point B. If your car consumes 75 percent of your paycheck or more, there is something wrong.

Second, please stop suffering from what I like to call “bacheloritis.” Essentially, stop being a gross bachelor. Clean your apartment. Do your dishes. Take out the trash. Shower. These may seem like basic things, but you’d be surprised how often guys forget how important this is.

Third, stop trying to be macho and manly. We girls do like a sensitive side now and then. Nothing melts the heart of a girl fast than a guy who shows his love for animals or kids. Let’s face it, no matter how old you are, no matter how tough you think you are, if a toddler hands you their ringing toy phone, you are going to answer it. And that’s adorable.

The fourth thing ties into the third quite nicely. You need to stop making us feel like the guy in the relationship. It’s important to be sensitive, yes, but don’t let it consume you to the point where we feel more masculine than you. Be aggressive. Fix things with your hands. Let girls know that you could get in a fight to defend them. It’s all about balance.

Fifth, stop offering solutions when we come to you with a problem. We’re smart. We can figure out solutions all on our own. We probably already have one in mind. We don’t want you to fix it. We want you to listen.

Seriously, gentlemen, the women of the world will rejoice if you could stop doing these five things. And trust me, I’ve got lots more.