For the love of the game

Illustration by: Ashley Fairbourne

 

On the basketball court, a rebound is where a player is able to apprehend the ball after it has bounced off the backboard or after LeBron misses his free throws in the fourth quarter. In life, a rebound is the relationship or hookup you jump right into after a breakup.

I feel like I’m the kind of person who gives off the vibe that rebounds are a great idea but to be honest I’m not sure I do. The string of heartbreak leads us to do many impulsive things we later regret so I advise making life altering decisions after you’ve had a chance to clear your head. That’s not to say they don’t always work, but it is a slippery slope.

I have a friend named Monique who has been hung up on this one guy for far too long. We’ll call him Mr. Player. Mr. Player has never even feigned commitment to Monique, let alone offered it, but she kept going back to him. Every time they would sleep together he would remind her that he did not want to be with her. For whatever reason she felt like she could change his mind. Here’s a lesson to all you girls in this situation: you cannot change them.

Anyway we had all grown a little tired of Monique constantly going back to this guy, then getting her heart broken, then going back to him, then getting her heart broken. She’d become a broken record we’d been forced to listen to for two years.

The other day Monique texted me and told me that she was hanging out with Mr. Player again and she really wanted to have sex with him. I let her know that I really, really, really strongly felt like that was a bad idea but I knew she would do whatever she wanted anyway.

I didn’t hear from her until the next morning when she texted me.

“I had sex last night…”

I began to type my response, “Of course you did. You know a lesson should be learned here-“

She sent another text, “And it wasn’t with Mr. Player.”

The game had suddenly taken a turn. I immediately called her and she told me how she had gone to the bar with this U student she’d known for years. After making out in his bed one thing led to another and…

“How do you feel?”

She said she felt good. This guy had liked her for a long time but she’d never really given him a chance because she was so hung up on Mr. Player. They’d spent the whole night cuddling and talking whereas Mr. Player used to just peace out after he got what he wanted.

I was happy for her but I was also a little nervous. For whatever reason girls tend to see the best in guys and overlook the obvious flaws. I’ve even been guilty of this—turning a blind eye to all the reasons a guy wasn’t good for me just because I wanted someone to be there.

A rebound is tricky because I don’t know many that last beyond that. I know I jumped into a rebound relationship with this guy where we had no spark but I thought I could make it work. It lasted maybe a couple weeks tops.

But here Monique was telling me that she thought she actually really liked this rebound guy and that she felt like there was potential for a future.

Would she and rebound guy have a chance at a relationship? Could this rebound have the potential to be a full court transition? She had broken the “sex on the first date curse” and there was a chance Mr. Player would come out of nowhere to make an interception. He was never committed but was always jealous.

For these reasons I caution girls and guys on using someone else for a rebound. So much can go wrong.

If one of you is unaware that it is a rebound, he or she is bound to get hurt.

If you start to fall for someone who thinks he or she is your rebound, you are bound to get hurt.

It’s all so messy and complicated I suggest just biting the bullet and taking a timeout alone for a little while until you are ready for a new relationship. Rebounds should stay on the court where no one’s heart is on the line.