Sex-isms

Secrets are generally thought of as nefarious. However guilt and shame are not the only reasons to keep something, specifically a relationship, out of the public eye. Confidential trysts can be fun and emotionally fulfilling.

The bad reputation surrounding classified connections has become a self-fulfilling prophecy, taking away the public’s chance to view an undisclosed romantic association as a privilege and a rare opportunity. Here are some tips to make your next secret relationship work:

Be mindful of the benefits

1. In a sub rosa romance, there is less pressure to conform to society’s standards. If your friends don’t know that you made out on the first date, they can’t disapprove. You and you alone are the accelerometer for the relationship.

2. Also, your views on the health of the interconnection can go untainted by other’s opinions. As much as you want to ask your cubicle-mate on advice, you can’t. You have to assess and resolve problems on your own.

3. The taboo factor can come in handy, making the liaison more fun. There is something wonderful about having a hidden attachment that only the parties involved are aware of – it becomes a treasure, undiluted by mass knowledge.

4. Monogamous or not, it’s completely up to you. Remain totally honest with your partner, but if you don’t want it to be monogamous you are in more of a position to say that. However, if you do want the relationship to remain both monogamous and concealed, it makes it a bit harder.

Recognize the requirements

1. Both parties must offer full disclosure on their feelings toward the other person, their reasons for keeping it clandestine, and their involvement with other persons. Keep the lines of communication constantly open, or one of you is going to get hurt.

2. Retain and constantly update a list of reasons to keep the link covert. Both parties must be aware of and consent to every reason.

3. Remain flexible. Surreptitious partnerships aren’t bound to being trivial or serious – they can be as varied in state as traditional, open relationships can. Just because your affection is stealthy doesn’t mean you can’t fall in love, nor does it mean that you have to.

4. It cannot be stressed enough to keep the lines of communication open. As mentioned before, you, as a private affair, are only involved in one facet of your partner’s life. This makes it hard to understand his or her emotional state. In a confidential attachment it’s easy for partners to drift far away from each other, even though they remain physically close.

Prepare for the end

The hardest part of hush-hush connections is the ending. If it is time to break up, be sure that both parties are clear on this, and that both are happy, or at least understanding.

If you feel that it’s time for the affair to become public, it gets a little harder. After all, no paradox can remain concealed forever. Should you tell your friends and family that you were carrying on a hidden association, or should you pretend that a friendship has finally progressed into a courtship? Both parties should be unanimous on this decision.

As the Bible says, “There is nothing hid, which shall not be manifested.” A defining factor of a secret is that it is a fact in a temporary state of hiding. Be prepared that eventually, the truth will get out or the relationship will end.