The geek’s guide to finding a girl

Wolf T-shirts, jeans from Costco, pale skin, a vaguely sinister presence and that odd smell that you just can’t seem to find on anyone else: This is what we geeks get for not dropping more points in charisma.

Taken straight from the source (the FOH gaming boards and myself), I’ve compiled an all-important list of things that you should and should not do to make the process of finding a girl a little smoother.

Appearance: This encompasses all subjects concerning your body. I’m not going to be patronizing and tell you to brush your teeth and wash your hair, but do it. Whatever look you’re going for, simply make sure that your clothing fits and for the love of all you hold holy, do not wear shirts with wolves on them.

If you can find a nice, unique cologne, go ahead and wear it on special occasions (in extreme moderation), but otherwise stick to a good flavor of solid deodorant that’s been time-tested for longevity. Spend a few days a week in the gym, shave wherever you may need to shave, and you’re almost ready to start looking. And remember, the name of the game is moderation.

Presenting yourself: Desperation is the single attribute that will absolutely drive girls away from you. Don’t do it. Look people in the eye, smile, take initiative and don’t stutter. Also take strides to make yourself unique. If a girl wanted to date a carbon copy of her last boyfriend, she’d still be with him.

What to talk about: Let’s face it: On the surface, we geeks don’t have a whole lot in common with most people. That’s why we’re geeks.

No matter how interested she seems, she does not want to hear about your 4 level 80 characters (of mixed gender) on WoW or the technical inner-workings of the computer you just made. Imagine if a girl started giving you the intricate details of her social life. It’s like that. Nobody wants to hear it. So what do you talk about? Well, that depends on the girl. Keep broaching subjects, telling stories, etc. until you get comfortable with each other. Then common interests will show themselves.

How to keep her once you’ve got her: This may be the section you probably shouldn’t take advice from me on, having been distinctly unsuccessful at it in recent history. But I can give you tips on what not to do.

Jealousy is only appreciated in small amounts. If she starts feeling constricted by it, she’s gone. Don’t get too serious too quickly. We’re in college (and not BYU). Many people out there aren’t looking to get into a serious relationship. Take it in stride. Get over rejection — it happens to everyone, and she was insane anyway. Find a girl who you can see yourself getting along with for a very long time. Starting a serious relationship that’s already doomed to failure is just plain masochism.

Do we need to hide who we are?: No. But with anything in life, moderation is a necessity. To get as good a girl as you can, you have to live up to her standards. So get to it.